the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
