So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
