Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
