i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
