I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
