i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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