The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
