At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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