I hate your face
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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