My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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