i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
