Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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