Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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