Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
