:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
