We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
