Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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