well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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