how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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