Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
