I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
