Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mom said you looked used
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
