yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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