im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
