She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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