Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
