Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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