Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
