That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
