Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
