He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
