i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
