I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
