Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
