I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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