i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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