Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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