i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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