i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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