Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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