why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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