So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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