he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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