I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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