I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
