Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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