the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
