I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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