feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
