someone get that fucking seahorse.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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