i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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