I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
