I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
