Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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