Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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