i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
