omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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