i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
