Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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