Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
