Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
