you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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