so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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