I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
