New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
