Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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