do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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