every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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