i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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