Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
