OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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