True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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