he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
