Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize