oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
