i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
