I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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