Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
